Almost Time

Everything seems ti be moving so fast. It seems like the other day I was complaining to Martha how long 9 months is and then BOOM! She's already full term. I'm excited, scared, nervous, happy, so many emotions, but they all center around disbelief. I still can't believe I'm having a kid. After going through all the doctors appointments, ultrasounds, baby showers, shopping, even visually seeing Martha grow and grow each day, it still hasn't sunk in. I guess when I see him pop out and I'm holding him in my hands that's when it will feel real.

I still can't help but think I'm still a kid. There are so many things I don't know yet, but I have to teach my son so many things. I go to work, trying to make enough money to support us and pay the bills, but I don't think it'll ever be enough. I'll always feel like I have to do more, because essentially I wish I could do more. I feel like I'm letting Martha and Jake down... before I even have chance to I'm already psyching myself out. It's hard... I'm going to be raising my son away from home, away from my friends, away from my house even. Supporting and raising Jake is by me going to work everyday and that's a big burden. But I know it's something I have to and will do.

I can't help but think he's going to be here soon. She is full term, so he's ready and can come out any day now, but he's so big. Martha's 37 weeks, but he's measuring 41 (when he was measured at 36 weeks he was measuring 40, so I'm just adjusting). He's a big baby... BIG baby... I wonder what he's going to look like... me and Martha... What attributes will he have of mine and which he'll have of hers... That one ultrasound is the closest thing we can go by, and it for sure don't look like me, lol... But that can all change when he's born...

The doctor's appointment on Tuesday will tell us where we stand and hopefully how much further we have to go. Can't wait till then...