Hot Cheetos

Today is Monday and my last post was Wednesday... A lot has happened between those 5 days... Over the weekend I drove out to Chatsworth to hangout with Chelsea... Had an awesome time... Ate expensive mexican food, met her parents and quarky brother... We watched Last House on the Left... Added a little decor to her wall, haha... Then we basically listened to music and through pillows and each other... hm... that sounds pretty gay, but fuck it... it was fun... Hey Chelsea... GIMME THAT PILLOW! Haha, well... since it was an hour drive, I left tired as hell and wanted to get outta there before I was a zombie, but by the time I got home I had woken up a little, and went with my friends to a party where they charged $20 to get in, ha! What do they think they are... A club? We left there and went back to my house where we got pretty toasted...

A few people called about the motorcycle I'm trying to get rid of... HAHA! Okay... so if you went into a dealership and bought my Harley... You'd walk out spending over $17,000 after taxes and everything... Okay, so my Harley is brand mother effin new... It's basically like buying it from the dealer... These mofo's offer me $11,000. HAHA! Get a life guys... I know it's free money, but I refuse to be taken advantage of...

Today I cleaned my house because Martha is going to be coming down for her Spring Break. It was such a hassle getting the tickets... Fuck these companies like Priceline and Expedia... You go through all the steps that take you roughly 30 minutes, and then at the last minute they say there's an error with one of the first things you did, then you have to start all over, and then they tell you there's another error... It took me probably 20 tries to finally get it... So she'll be flying in Tuesday and staying till Sunday... I can't help but feel I'm going to be let down by her coming... But I guess we'll see...

Okay, so... um... as of right now I'm pretty upset... Martha hinted, or maybe I made up something in my head, but none the less, it seemed like she was unhappy with Hunter, so that's why she was coming to see me.. But now... I don't think that's the case. I've been there and done it, and I know when she uses words to describe me, I'm becoming the "best friend" and I honestly don't want to be that. I don't want to be the fall back guy that she goes to when he hurts her... As of right now I give her everything he doesn't, and he gives her nothing, so I basically give her everything. But she doesn't see that. So I think after she leaves I'm cutting off all ties, and we'll see if she sees that the only reason they've lasted so far is cuz of me... I even pay for the fucking gas it takes to get to his house... Pathetic I know, but we've already established that that's what I am... But no more... This guy is a sorry excuse for a boyfriend... Maybe cuz he's fucking 15 and doesn't even know how to be one... Fuck it, I'm over it... I'm over being upset... I'm gonna go eat some hot cheetos and go to bed... Got a big test tomorrow... AH! Wish me luck...

Riverside

I survived! Yup, me, Jeremy, and Mark hung out last night and got WASTED!!! WOO!!! We spent all night drinking and watching funny ass YouTube videos... Fun time... SO anyways, I wake up in the morning after forgetting I even fell asleep, haha... Jeremy had stayed the night, while Mark had left. So me and Jeremy made plans to drive to Riverside so I can fill out the paperwork for my bike. Yeah, the bike I won on the Price is Right... The same Price is Right that you can view right here. Okay, well... we drive... 2 HOURS!!! It was such a nice day and it pisses me off I wasted it either asleep or in a car... We were blasting music, it was fun, but it was still 2 HOURS!!! So we get there, I sign the paper work... I see the bike... BEAUTIFUL! I wish I could ride one, I would... But anyways we're there for probably 10 minutes tops, then we have to hop back in the car and drive 2 HOURS back home. Jeremy had brought a mini dvd player, so he watched and I listened to Waiting... Lol, what a funny movie... "I wanna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes" Haha... Anyways... yeah... I got home, tried to relax, watched tv, talked to l.cush, and ate... Jeremy updated his XBox... We made him an avatar that looks like Johnny Knoxville... Um... and that's basically it... I watched Lie to Me and American Idol... YEAH! I WATCH AMERICAN IDOL, so fucking what!? Okay... well yeah... now I'm here, writing this... on the phone with T-Cap... I should be writing my essay, but fuck school... And yeah... I think that's about it... I think I'm just gonna keep typing because Chelsea likes to make a big point that I'm writing such a long blog... LAAAAAA LAAAAAA LAAAAAA I'm hungry actually... I want food... Jeremy gave up meat for lent... I couldn't do that... I know how messed up some of the slaughter houses are, and how they abuse animals... but damn... They taste good, I can't help it... Anyways... I'll end it here... I'll post another blog tomorrow I'm sure... LATER!

I'mo DIE!!!

I just got back from taking Joel (my friend) to his friends house, on the way back, I got off the freeway exit, and this car followed me. Not followed me... He tailgated me... All the way to my house, and when I pulled into my drive way, he kept driving and kept going down the street. I live in a no outlet neighbor, so the entrance is the exit, and there's 5 streets to go down. If you live on 37th, you turn down 37th... If you live down 38th, you turn down 38th... This guy turned down my street, then when he reached the end of the block, turned to go down to the next one, but I doubt he lived in our neighborhood, or he would have went down his street, ya feel me? So I was FOLLOWED! Not just that, but he circled around the block, and parked in front of my house... Idled for a few minutes then took off... DOOD! I'mo DIE! He gun come back and shoot me in meh sleep... AH!!! Lol... Let's see if I live through the night... Post tomorrow?

No More Blogs About Stupid Shit

I feel so much weight lifted off my shoulders... Thank you Earick, whether it was intentional or not, you showed me how pathetic I am... I feel pathetic even writing this blog, but it really doesn't make sense... I think I might still be a little drunk from last night... Lol... But whatever... I'm sure you can tell how much my mood changed throughout this blog (I deleted the part before this cuz it was pretty weird and random) ... FUCK! that Ace Enders song is so fucking awesome... Um... oh yeah! Chelsea... T-Cap... l.cush... You're amazing... I've heistated to write about you in my blog, cuz there's so much I'm not sure of, but I know I am sure of that you've helped me so much... And I know I'm a handful to deal with, and joke around a lot, but I really appreciate you and everything you've done for me... Thank you...

Hm... I really shouldn't have deleted that first part, because now it doesn't really make sense... I was just typing about how more shit went wrong, and then blah blah blah... I'm stupid, blah blah blah... And yeah... half way through I realized I was typing the usual pathetic crap that skims the surface of my life... so then I stopped... And realized how pathetic I am, and stopped... Does the above part make sense now? Meh... whatever... lol... OMG!!! I LOVE THE ACE ENDERS SONG!!! Okay, done with blog...

What The Fuck Am I Doing Wrong?

I don't get it... really... What do I have to do to get a break... No matter what, I always get fucked over in the end. No matter how many times I help people, no matter how many times I put others before I'm the one that gets the short end of the stick... I'm the one that gets fucked over time and time and time again... WHY!? I really want to know the fucking answer to that question... WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO TO BE HAPPY... TO NOT GET FUCKED OVER... I'm at my wit's end... And it hurts to know the extent I go to help people and in return... fucking nothing... No, not nothing... I get something alright... BULLSHIT! Fucked up bullshit... Thanks a fuckin' lot... Is it some divine power that's forcing this black cloud to hover over me every fucking day... I'm fucking sick of it... I just want to know what the fuck I have to do (or stop doing) that will result in me feeling even a sliver of happiness... Fuck...

The Past Couple Days...

I'm sitting here at my computer... bored... Blah... I haven't posted a blog in a few days, so let's see... what's happened...

Oh! Laughlin, Nevada. STAY AWAY! What a waste of 2 days from my life... Went to a supposed "family friendly casino" with my dad and sister. It was a 5 hour drive, and once we got there, everything seemed cool, and it looked like it was going to be a fun time. Then once we entered the casino the "family friendly" environment diminished. You couldn't do anything unless you were at least 21. And, HAHA! so ridiculous when I think about it, but no joke... You could only leave your only 2 places to be was either your hotel room or your car. You couldn't walk any where... I take that back... they had an arcade room, but who's gonna be in an arcade all day, especially when they're 20... I couldn't even attend a stand-up comedy event, cuz I wasn't 21... How dirty are the jokes to where you have to be 21... Ridiculous!!! But whatever... We ended up leaving a day early, so it wasn't too bad...

Then Harley-Davidson contacted me about the bike... I could go and fill out the paper work, and get the bike... SWEET! I asked if they were interested in buying the bike and they said yes, they'll price is then call me back... The bike runs at around $16,000... Check this out... They wanted to buy it off me for $9,000... HA!!! I know it's free money regardless, but give me a break... I told them NO THANK YOU, so we're selling it to my neighbor for $13,500 WOOHOO!!! All good news... yeah, but then yesterday... I had to blow off all my plans cuz we were waiting for them to call to tell us when to come fill out the papers, and they never did... So the same thing happened today, and NOTHING... Hey Harley-Davidson... Fuck you... :)

Um... my ex texted me out of nowhere, we hung out... maybe we shouldn't have... I didn't think anything of it at first, oh... she's upset, she needs someone to vent to, but... I don't know... I don't think it was fair to the guy she's with... We didn't "do" anything, but if i had a girlfriend and we had an argument, I wouldn't want her to go run to her ex... So I don't know...

And that's about it... yup

Ace Enders - When I Hit The Ground awesome song... go download it...
Fired Up! funny ass movie... go watch it...

Realization

Holy shit... look at me here blabbing about all my misfortunes in life and why? Who the fuck reads this shit anyways? But do I care no... and why? Because do I really have any real problems, hell no... I'm fuckin' peachy... No one else has problems, so why the fuck should I... Come on sun! Shine in through my window and brighten up my day!

FUCK YOU!

Thursday - Monday

Planned to have a good night. Hanging out with my closest friends and watching the midnight viewing of Watchmen. Showed up 2 hours early to get a seat. Attempted to find a seat 3 times but was denied due to the fact that it was "taken." Whatever... there were plenty of seats, so I was able to find an empty "unassigned" seat... So as I sat there I couldn't help but feel out of place as every time I sparked up a conversation I was almost looked down on for even speaking. But whatever... So the layout was supposed to be Alley, Me, Dale, Kevin, Earick, and Wilmer in the 6 seats in the back of the theater. Then Alex comes and takes Alley's spot and is 100% determined not to move. But it's okay cuz Alley says she's not coming. Then 10 minutes before the movie starts she changes her mind. And instead of getting out of her seat, Alex has his mind set to not budge. So fuck it, I moved... All the way to the front, oh boy, what a friend I am. I then proceeded to watch a 2 and a half hour mediocre movie by myself. After the move was over I immediately took off, went home, and went to bed. I prolly won't do something like that with them again...

I wake up at 4 in the morning to catch my 6 o'clock plane ride to Oregon. My mom and dad plan to move to Oregon in 4 years to retire. My mom decided one day to start 4 years early, and went up there. My mission was to go get her and bring her back. I also went to see Martha... I had it in my mind if i saw her we would fall in love all over again, but... Martha was the one who picked me up at the airport, and I could tell from the look in her eyes she felt nothing for me. The weekend I could sum up to crying/drinking/laughing/sleeping... For so long I thought she still loved me, but after seeing her... All the love she ever had for me died. And it hurts... But now I know there's no reason for me to love her, cuz she will never love me again... I hope she's happy... Her birthday is this Wednesday... Happy Birthday Martha...

Back to my mom... During this trip I lost my mom. I really feel like I no longer have a mom... My mom is manipulated very easily, and I needed to get her away from everyone else to cloud her judgment. And after talking to her, I wish I never came. I told her how much we all miss her and want her back, and without a care or worry or remorse she just shrugged her shoulders and said things like "No you don't" .. "I hate my life with you guys" .. "I'll come visit when I feel like it" .. Visit? Home is where you live... your vising Oregon... The night before I wanted to come over, but she was playing Bingo at her sisters house. I asked if I could come over to see her (I haven't seen her in 3 months) and she fed me excuse and excuse and I finally asked her "Mom, are you choosing a game over your own son?" and she said "Yes" and started laughing... Goodbye mom... I love you...

Upon coming back to Cali, my dad told me that my motorcycle is in, so I can pick it up whenever I want... Maybe I'll go in tomorrow... He also told me he wants to take me and my sister to Laughlin, Nevada for the weekend... Why not? I need to get away. I've lost everything so fast, and I'm not sure what to do anymore... I love Martha... I love my mom... I love my friends... I love Fatty... I love Toby... And I know it won't stop. More and more will be taken from me... But why? What have I done that's so bad to where I have to be tormented by these loses and suffer over and over again... I try so hard to help out so many people... If you're my friend I'm sure I've helped you out many times, without question. I'm not perfect and don't claim to even be close to it, but I put others before myself more than I should, yet I'm the one that gets treated like I step on other people... Why?

I want to say I'm sorry for whatever I've done, but how is that a sincere apology if I don't know what I'm apologizing for... I wish I knew...

Am I Making A Mistake?

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